Gender Studies
Opinion DisclaimerNuminous, Masculine Sexuality, part 2 – Awakening my sacred masculine
Today’s post is part 2 of my post on Numinous, Masculine Sexuality. These two posts share my journey through the 6th metaphor from the book The Hidden Spirituality of Men – Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine by Matthew Fox. In my last post I talked about how ancient religions ( and some non-western religions ) worshipped sexuality as sacred. I also discussed how western religions have brought shame into the forefront of sexuality in an attempt to control the sacred. Finally, the last post discussed the fact that sacred sexuality is not just about intercourse – but rather intercourse is just one aspect. In revisiting this chapter I found myself starting to learn to play the guitar and it has given me access to a sexual spirit that has been suppressed for some time now.
The topics of today’s journey through numinous, masculine sexuality are sperm, male infertility, sexual diversity learning from the gifts of homosexuality and wrapping it all up in sexuality as sacred.
Sperm
In the book, the author had asked a group of mostly men to write down an answer to the question, “What is Sperm?” He shared many of the responses he got and many of them were at or nearing poetic. As someone who had always been uncomfortable with anything sexual in nature it had been very easy for me to never even think about it. Well, in the honor of sharing my journey I am going to attempt to answer that question right here in this blog from my perspective. I only hope I can do it justice.
Why is it so hard to honor sperm? Is it because it has so many names that make us giggle or turn red? Is it because we are afraid of the awesome power that lies within? Sperm is a metaphor for possibility. Each sperm is the possibility of life, and not just any life. The possibility of a new life that we love more than we have ever loved before. I have 2 sons because of sperm. 1 came from planning and one came from a moment of passionate love but they are both a part of my life because of sperm. Of all the fluids that are worshipped in this world – blood, wine, holy water – this seems left out of the sacred mix. So even if it is only a moment before my shame rises again, I take this moment to honor distilled masculine sexuality in sperm.
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That was tough to write because I felt myself pulled separately by both my reverence and shame that I felt. This chapter, and specifically this section on sperm bring to mind one individual who seems to exude sacred masculine sexual energy more than anyone I can think of – Prince. He has many songs that are clearly about sexuality, including one called Cream. At the end of the movie Purple Rain he has a concert and the finale is him doing an obvious ejaculation from his guitar. Finally, at one point he changed his name to
around a legal dispute with Warner Brothers and this is what he had to say about it:
I was born Prince and did not want to adopt another conventional name. The only acceptable replacement for my name, and my identity, was the Love Symbol, a symbol with no pronunciation, that is a representation of me and what my music is about. This symbol is present in my work over the years; it is a concept that has evolved from my frustration; it is who I am. It is my name.
To many the symbol seemed random, but to Prince it was the Love Symbol. Love is central to sacred sexuality and he has embodied it in his art.
Male Infertility
With all this admiration for sperm and its reproductive power the author was confronted by a member of the group that wrote about sperm. For this man the question brought pain because he was infertile. While I have been blessed with two beautiful boys he was unable to have any by his sperm due to that fact. But if you read his story you find out more. You find out about the way he was initially dismissed when having trouble getting his wife pregnant. You find out the research the two of them did to find out about their options. Their journey led them to choosing to have children by using a sperm donor. The mental and emotional power of sperm is strong in this story. Though this man’s sperm were incapable of fulfilling their reproductive duty the spiritual aspect of them still led him to having children to whom he is a father. In fact the story goes deeper and it is worth the read.
It was interesting to notice how male infertility is so casually dismissed as if it takes no psychological or spiritual toll. When you compare this to our current (in)ability to honor sperm as we do the ovum it isn’t hard to see why this is. Men want to be parents as well and any inability in this area forces a very rocky mental and spiritual path to be walked.
Continue reading…
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Numinous, Masculine Sexuality, part 1 – Awakening my sacred masculine
Welcome the first part of metaphor 6 on my journey through the book “The Hidden Spirituality of Men – Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine” by Matthew Fox. If this is your first time reading my blog you might want to at least read the initial post on the book. You can also check out other posts in the series. Beyond that, read on.
Here it is, the metaphor on sexuality. This metaphor was the most confronting to start reading. I put it off both subconsciously and consciously for about 2 weeks. At the same time, masculine sexual energy is a major reason I started looking into the men’s studies movement. As a father of two boys, I kept questioning whether or not I would know how to speak powerfully to them about sex when the time comes.
Being raised in an all (powerful) female household I really never had a male figure I trusted to discuss these things with and I was already ashamed about how other men treated women. Initially, the question of masculine sexuality pulled me on this journey through the sacred masculine and I was afraid of this metaphor the most ( my ego was definitely shaking in its boots ).
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When I finally read the chapter, I breezed through it and got a lot of information. I felt much more comfortable and saw the bigger picture of the sacredness of sexuality. When I reread it before writing this article I noticed how much I missed. Realizing that my subconscious probably zoned out on the first pass, I made an effort to take in the information inside this book.
I feel I must say one thing before moving on. This article is about sexuality as it concerns the sacred masculine. It is meant as a serious spiritual discussion. Watch where you find yourself giggling as that is where you are probably missing out sacrament of sex. Read on if you are ready.
Awakening My Sacred Masculine – The Hunter Gatherer
The fourth metaphor to look into during my journey to awaken my sacred masculine and find the hidden spirituality of men is the Hunter Gatherer. Writing about this metaphor was tough for me because I didn’t think I had anything to write. These personal journeys centered around men’s studies never go like that. There is always something that comes up. I had to completely reread the chapter and be conscious of any time I read a section and have no idea what I read. Sometimes this happens because I’m distracted, but it also happens when I’m confronted by what it says. Sometimes I’m just still pondering a previous topic and wasn’t yet ready to take in new information. There is a ton to cover in this section now, so the format is different than other articles.
The Hunter Gatherer
As far as we can determine, almost all of human existence consists of humans being hunter gatherers. Only recently, historically speaking, have we changed to farming for sustenance. Even more recent is how much of our lives hide the fact that farming goes on at all. We’ve move from being hunters and gatherers who must search to our food; to farmers, who are still connected to where our food comes from; to now having no idea where our food even comes from. The hunter gatherer metaphor isn’t just about food though, it is about cultural difference. While it is easy to see what we have gained, there is quite a bit that we have lost.
Joy & Shame
The power of ancient tribal culture can be summed up in 2 words – joy and shame. These two things represent both, what we have lost and what we (unconsciously) carry with us from our cultural past. Both are hard wired into our masculine beings and acknowledgement of this fact is the path to understanding. By acknowledging that shame, right or wrong, guides our lives powerfully and that enjoying ancient rituals (sometimes in new ways) is worthwhile we can make some powerful choices about who we will be.
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Ancient rituals which center around drums, dancing and storytelling are quite easily pushed aside in civilized society. Drums are loud and annoy people, dancing makes you look like an idiot and stories need to be chopped down into bite size pieces because no one has the time to pay attention anymore. Drums are representative of rhythm. The first sound we hear is the sound of our mothers’ heart, but then the noise of the world drowns out that beat. The noise of the world hasn’t always been there and rhythm is our way of connecting with nature. We do this through music we love, through music we make and if we listen closely we might even hear the rhythms of life itself. Dancing is an extension of this connection. Using rhythm & dance we are connecting our cosmic bodies with our green man and mother earth. Ancient rituals of rhythm and dance were used, not only to create this connection but to tell stories. Stories told in this way were used to pass on generational wisdom before the invention of writing.
The joy of listening is a lost art. My favorite movie – Strictly Ballroom – has a line, “Listen to the rhythm, don’t be scared” that always hits home for me. This movie is especially about civilized dancing limiting a person’s self expression – I highly recommend it. Listening to the world and people around us is probably the most powerful way for us to move forward as a species. How can we experience joy, though, if we feel shameful of this enjoyment?
Shame, I think that word pretty much wraps up the entirety being male. How constantly it seems to come up for me and as I read my mens’ studies books, how often it comes up for others as well. Is it hard wired from our ancient heritage? In hunter gatherer societies when someone broke the laws of the tribe they weren’t imprisoned, they were cast out. Without the protection and camaraderie of your fellow tribesmen life would be exceedingly tough, if you survived at all. This is how shame has become hard wired in our present day selves.
Shame is the experience of not belonging, secondary shame is the feeling of not belonging. In our present day culture it is so easy to evoke these feeling but we must be aware of the distinction between feeling and experiencing. It is minor, but it makes a big difference that will be clear as we discuss the shadow energies that show up with hunter gatherer energy in today’s world. The distinction also shows up positive ways as well. One obvious, yet not very prevalent, example is in modern day spiritual warriors.
“…is it not true that authentic prophets risk shame? They too risk being expelled from the community, literally or figuratively…”
Awakening my sacred masculine – The Green Man
This post is about the 2nd metaphor and follow up to my post about The Hidden Spirituality of Men – Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine. In that original post I said I would share my journey of reading this book. This is another part of that journey.
In mens’ studies the Green Man is easily seen through the story of Iron John. In spirituality there are many different stories and references to the green man. Where modern man tries to control nature, the green man works with nature. He is one with nature to the point that some stories make the green man out to BE nature. The green man is a steward who cares for mother earth and knows that she will take care of him in return.
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As a member of the Green Party, I have already begun to explore my Green Man. However, even that is pretty recent and I’ve always been more of a tech guy so there is quite a bit of room for spiritual growth for me in this area. For me this metaphor pulls me to my native heritage that I have ignored for too long. It reminded me of how touched I was when I read Brother Eagle, Sister Sky to my sons. It is a story based around a message from Chief Seattle before he agreed to “sell” land to the US. The whole message is great but the end sums it up well:
So if we sell you our land, love it as we’ve loved it. Care for it as we’ve cared for it. Hold in your mind the memory of the land as it is when you take it. And with all your strength, with all your mind, with all your heart, preserve it for your children. and love it . . . as God loves us all.
One thing we know. Our God is the same God. This earth is precious to him. Even the white man cannot be exempt from the common destiny. We may be brothers after all. We shall see.
With that in mind I found a way to get closer to my green man – running. I have never been a runner. I have started and stopped a few times. This chapter gave me something else to focus on while I run. Something I have read from many sources. So I started running with the couch to 5k (c25k) program. I did indeed get closer to the earth as I ran. I reveled in the calm mornings where I could marvel at natures bounty around me. However this also connected me to Father Sky – something unexpected. Father Sky and Mother Earth stories often tell that they were connected by a tree that was cut down at some point. As I ran I would find myself following the trees up to the sky. Then of course, breathing is so important when running and air the the domain of Father Sky. Running also has me more connected my body as I run and the way it feels as a result. The cosmic body is another metaphor that I will cover in another post. To top it all off, the time I spend running is time to ponder the thoughts of what I have recently read.
Beyond just connecting, I have paid more attention to the events of the day. I’ve begun questioning how much I limit my involvement in anything that affects our planet. Little by little I have been checking myself to make sure I am fighting for what I believe in rather than stand by and do nothing. I am reminded of something I heard during the 2008 election season,”To know and to not act is not to know.” I’m starting to understand the reality of that statement now. It is the value of a spiritual warrior – another metaphor to be discussed in a later post. The Green Man has been the seed that has sprouted and grown towards other spiritual masculine metaphors.
I have now read all 10 metaphors from the book and I am going to focus on writing a post on each of the metaphors before going on the the the part of the book. The next part of the book is about sacred marriages – connections of the sacred masculine and the divine feminine. I’m looking forward to those discussion as well so I should be making posts fairly quickly.
Awakening my sacred masculine – a powerful dream.

I’ve always approached my study of masculinity as a journey. Many visions occur to me every time I read a men’s studies book. Some are dark and others are mysterious. Either way these visions are powerful and often come in a dream. Reading “The Hidden Spirituality of Men – Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine” has been no different. Last night I had a dream that I knew was part of my journey.
The dream and the conclusions I come to are related to chapters I have not discussed yet. I will try to share enough to explain the references.
The following dream actually came on a night when I fell asleep attempting to connect with “The Blue Man” metaphor described in the book. The dream is simple – I’m in charge of an alternative school of some sort that is being shut down by someone who has sent in soldiers to apprehend me. At this point I have the thought that if I can just get in a room and close the door they won’t be able to get to me. I make my way down the hall towards my office. Finally, I reached my office and closed the door. Feeling safe from the soldiers, I look out the window. All the parents and teachers are standing outside in a group. They are standing in support of the school and me. They may be singing but I don’t really hear anything. At this point my wife asks me the question,”Why are they shutting down the school?” My answer was this,”because Michael Jackson is running the music department and my second in command/right hand man is a woman or maybe I should say my right hand woman is a man.” (I was trying to say my second is command was a gay man).
I don’t remember anything else after that. When I woke up I just knew it was an important dream. I started wondering if I needed to open up some type of school.
After my run this morning I had a chance to discuss the dream with my wife and as I did many things became clear. This dream did not say I needed to run a school but it was full of metaphors directly related to chapters of the book I had recently read. First, the soldiers. There is a distinction in the chapter on Spiritual Warriors between soldiers and warriors. Soldiers do what they are ordered to do and warriors are instead guided by their values and their hearts. The fact that soldiers were doing what they were ordered to do but did not have the heart to break through a simple door is not suprising. Then there is group of parents and teachers who were standing up for me and the school. This is my community, who are a stand for me to succeed in running my school. My school is men’s studies and Daryl Joseph Ducharme studies for that matter. Seeing my blue man, I was studying the difference I could create in the world.
Then we come to the reason’s anyone would want to shut such an important school down. First there is having Michael Jackson as the musical director. One chapter on the body began to discuss chakras. The first chakra, located in the tailbone ( called the sacrum which literally means sacred bone ) is about vibration. In discussing this chakra the sub chakras in the knees and the feet were discussed. This brought up the importance of dance in connecting with Gaia. So many religions throughout time relate dance with the sacred. For my generation there was none more recognized for dance than Michael. In fact, he was in my mind throughout the discussion about dance. What about my second in command they didn’t like because he was gay? That came directly from the chapter on numinous sexuality. In the middle section of this long chapter the discussion revolved around the spiritual connections that homosexuals tend to have. In fact, many native tribes revered homesexuals as spiritual leaders. While I have never considered myself homophobic, I realized there was a part of me that was. It was the part that decides I didn’t want to do something because maybe I didn’t think it was masculine enough. By cutting myself off from these experiences I cut myself off from the sacred and the spiritual essence of my masculinity. Well no more. Now I will allow myself to have experiences that will have me live life.
This dream was an awesome experience. In the past, I have had dreams related to whatever ontological journey I was currently undergoing. Almost always they have had a very dark nature to them. This dream, while it had a dark nature, gave me more hope than any of the dreams I have had in the past. It inspired me. As I delve into the chapters that this dream touched on I will discuss these references even more. I had to get the dream down while I still remembered it.
Awakening my sacred masculine – Father Sky
This post is my first follow up to my post about The Hidden Spirituality of Men – Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine. In that previous post I said I would share my journey of reading this book. This is part of that journey.
The book itself is split up into 2 parts. The first part, Ten Archetypes of Authentic Masculinity, covers the 10 metaphors alluded to in the book’s title. As I read this part of the book I will be making a posts related to each metaphor. These posts won’t be reviews of the chapters as much as they will be my own personal visions and conclusions gained from reading the metaphors. At this time I have already read the sections on the first 5 metaphors so I may relate to some of the other metaphors. This is expected, as these metaphors of masculinity are strongly linked.
Father Sky: The Cosmos Lives!
Father Sky is the partner of Mother Earth. Religions have often placed the sky ( or heavens ) as the home to the gods. Father sky is the air we breathe and the vacuum of space that is the universe beyond our planet’s atmosphere. Father sky is an obvious, but in modern times elusive, spiritual metaphor.
This first chapter didn’t call to me as much from just reading it. There was one suggested made in the chapter that I took, and that was to take a look at the Worldwide Telescope by Microsoft Research. This website has an tool ( both online and downloadable ) that combines images and data from telescopes around the world to give you an amazing view of space. I spent a good chunk of time just looking around at all the different heavenly bodies available to me through this tool.
After using the worldwide telescope, I had a greater connection to father sky in the rest of my daily lives. I recently started a running program, called Couch to 5K (C25K) out of both a desire to run and have a greater connection the The Green Man ( the 2nd metaphor ). On my first run, I got connected more with my green man but I feel that I could finally see father sky. I run in the mornings and the moon was still in the sky. Instead of running with my head down, my head was up and I was aware of all the trees which reach up to connect the earth to the sky and the birds as they soar. As I type this, I think I will pay more attention to my breathing while running as well. After all, father sky represents all that is in the sky including the air.
This chapter also reminded me of something I remember seeing in the past. I remember that a native tribe in Washington had been given the right to punish a teen through their own traditions. This meant putting him, alone, on a small island for a length of time. One of the elders was talking to him about praying. He told him not to bow down and avert his eyes from the spirits above, instead he should look up and open his arms to father sky so that he may be connected to him.
The first metaphor, by itself did not make as big of an impression on me as some of the others already have. However, in connecting with father sky I have gained connections that I have not had in a long time. I once again look at the sky with awe. The stars and the planets, the clouds and wind are all a part of me again. In a world that tries to keep us grounded it is important to stay connected with the stars.
The next metaphor is The Green Man. As I have already read that chapter I will be writing that one soon. Until then, what does father sky mean to you and/or the men in your life?
The Hidden Spirituality of Men – Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine
The men’s movement and men’s studies aren’t exactly mainstream topics. However, over the past few years I have been slowly working my way through a few books on just that. Last Christmas I recieved 2 books. While reading the first, a lot of heavy things came up for me that lead me to take a break from reading the second. Now I am ready, so I have recently started to read “The Hidden Spirituality of Men – Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine.”
I first heard about this book from an article in Ode magazine ( a magazine for intelligent optimists ). What they showed was an excerpt that turns out to be from the book’s forward. I’d like to share a specific part of this book as well, in the hopes that some might join me on this journey. By the way this excerpt is used without permission.
Why have men, to greater and lesser degrees, “hidden” their spiritual ives? The reasons are almost endless, but often each man’s reasons interlock in a tight web that keeps spirituality unacknowledged and unexpressed. Here are just a few:
- Because Western culture is still a dualistic patriarchy that values thinking over feeling, material wealth over spiritual, scientific fact over intuitive knowledge, men over women, and heterosexuals over homosexuals.
- Because men are rarely rewarded and often mocked, for openly expressing their deepest feelings of joy, sensitivity, and pain.
- Because many men carry wounds inside they would rather forget or put aside than admit are there.
- Because modern religions are out of touch with their mystical traditions, whose language and concepts help us cope with our deepest experiences, our “dark nights of the soul.”
- Because often spiritual truth and understandings defy language and live in silence, and what is not lassoed by words is considered secret and kep hidden.
- Because men, who are “not supposed to cry,” learn to hide their grief as well as their joy.
- Because in times of war, governments do not welcome the authentic, questioning spirituality of warriors, but want the religious obedience of soldiers.
- Because our anthropocentric culture puts more value on human life, needs, and ruls than in connecting humbly to the vast cosmos.
- Because men sometimes work so hard that they do not have time or space for exploring their hearts.
- Because, in an attempt to respect the women’s movement, some men feel compelled to silence themselves and hid any “unacceptable” maleness.
- Because homophobia robs men of their capacity to relate deeply to other men. Even men who overcome homophobia must often keep this secret in an excessively heterosexist culture.
- Because men sometimes confuse religion and spirituality, and in the process run from their own journey with Spirit.
- Because men lack rites of passage that demarcate movement from boyhood to adulthood, and such rituals that modern religions maintain, such as confirmation and bar mitzvah, fail to do the job.
- Because our culture more often rewards men for their extroverted rather than their introverted sides.
- Because there may be a hiddenness about all spirituality. What is deep is hidden, and a spiritual journey explores the “unnameable” aspects of Divinity, the Godhead behind God.
- Because many men are mystics but lack the vocabulary to name what they experience.
- Because “men learn only through ritual” ( Robert Bly ) and substantive rituals are hard to come by in modern culture.
- Because men want to hide their shame and aggression or at least hide from them.
- Because communication between boys and fathers is often cold or nonexistent in our culture, and too many elders “retire” to the golf course rather than mentor younger generations.
- Because fatherless homes offer few role models for young men to emulate.
- Because an “original sin ideology” makes men doubt their beauty and right to be here, and teachings about God as a punitive Father create a toxic, punitive role model.
- Because men don’t know how — and are not trained — to deal with their anger and outrage in healthy ways.
- Because men, like all humans, can be lazy and will avoid the hard work of spiritual exploration if they can.
- Because cynicism, depression, and exhaustion can make soul work seem pointless or overwhelming.
I plan on sharing what I get out of reading this book in a hope that it will help others understand men and/or themselves better. However, I am not a scholarly writer so my words may not be as eloquent as those in the book. So if you want to join me on this expedition into the depths of masculinity it might be best to bring along a good book.


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